so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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