I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
time to smoke my breakfast
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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