At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
