hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
