Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
