if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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