I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize