he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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