Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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