My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She even gives head with a lisp.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
