You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
