I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize