We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
