i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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