Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm going to jail i love you
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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