I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
there is puke in my bra ... again
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
