At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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