Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
