my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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