I should be sponsored by Trojan
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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