There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
