They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
