Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
