Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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