stop calling my apartment porn island.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
