We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So much rum. So many feels.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
