please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
