i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
