so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
we're so committed to being not committed
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize