I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize