This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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