the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
