so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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