there was a trapeze. enough said
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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