That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When did angry sex become our thing?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
