just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't deserve a penis
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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