I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
