I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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