I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
