What did we do last night that was yellow?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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