My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
