I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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