need another drink. this is the easiest way
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
