I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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