You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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