The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Panties = found
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