You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
