i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
