My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
