I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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