She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
