why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
