He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
