hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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