my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
