Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
