remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
