Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
