He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
