hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
