Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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