and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
