youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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