i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize