I'm really into asian looking animals
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
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