he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
