Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
