Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
