I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
